understanding engineers by RRobson

two engineering students were walking across campus when one said "where did you get that great bike from?"
the second engineer replied "well, i was walking from the park yesterday, when a beautiful woman rode upto me on this bike. she then threw it on the ground, took off all her clothes and said "take what you want!"
the first engineer nodded approvingly and said "good choice, the clothes probably wouldnt have fit anyway."

to the optimist, the glass is half full.
to the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
to the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

a priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a prrticularly slow gropu of golfers ahead. the emgineer fumed "whats with the blokes in front? we must have been waiting 15 minutes!"
the doctor chimed in "i dont know, but ive never seen such a poor standard of golf!"
the priest said "here comes the green keeper, lets have a word."
he said "hello george, whats wrong with the group ahead of us? they are really slow, and cant seem to even hit a ball?"
george replied "oh yes, thats the group of blind firemen. they lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year. they were really keen golfers and we wanted them to continue playing so as a gift, we let them play here for free anytime"
the group fell silent for a moment.
the priest said "thats terrible... i will say a special prayer for them tonight"
the doctor said "good idea. im going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague tonight to see if theres anything that can be done."
the engineer said "why cant they play at night?"

whats the difference between mechanical engineers anf civil engineers?
mechanical engineers build weapons. civil engineers build targets.

the graduate with a science degree asks "why does it work?"
the graduate with an engineering degree asks "how does it work?"
the graduate with an accounting degree asks "how much will it cost?"
the graduate with an arts degree asks "would you like fries with that?"

three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
one said "it was a mechanical engineer. just look at the joints anh how everything moves"
another said "it was an electrical engineer. the nervous system is basically an electrical circuit. it has thousands of electrical connections"
the last said "it must have been a civil engineer. who else would run the toxic waste pipeling through a recreational area?"

normal people believe if it aint broke, dont fix it.
engineers believe that if it aint broke, it doesnt have enough features yet.

an engineer was crossing the road one day, when a frog called out to him "if you kiss me, i will turn into a beautiful princess."
he bent over, picked the frog up and put it in his pocket.
the frog then cried out "if you kiss me into a princess, i will stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want"
again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled and put it back in his pocket.
finally, the frohg asked "what is the matter? ive told you im a beautiful princess and that i will stay with you for one week and do anything you want. why wont you kiss me?"
the engineer said "look, im an engineer. i dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool"
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Posted 21 Jan 2011, 18:29 #1 

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Yesterday, I didn't knbow how to spell Engineer.

Today, I are one.

Laughed out loud at some of those.

Posted 21 Jan 2011, 19:05 #2 

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Can't see anything funny, it's quite factual. :confused:

But then I am/was an engineer. ;) :gmc:
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Posted 21 Jan 2011, 19:33 #3 

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Well, that lot all made perfect sense - was there a joke in there somewhere? :thumbsup: :gmc:

Cogito ergo sum... maybe?

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Posted 21 Jan 2011, 19:36 #4 

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It seems everyone that is in Engineering and Electronics recognises this Joke as correct,
all seemed to make sense to me to. :gmc: .

"My lovely car now sold onto a very happy new owner.
I still love this marque and I will still be around, preferred selling to breaking, as a great runner and performer"

Posted 21 Jan 2011, 20:06 #5 

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Yes - a very factual and accurate description I though ;)

Posted 21 Jan 2011, 20:41 #6 

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(Site Admin)
All makes perfect snese to me. ;)

Posted 21 Jan 2011, 20:51 #7 

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the joke was -- frogs can't talk.. :lol:

Posted 21 Jan 2011, 22:44 #8 

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(Site Admin)
James.uk wrote: frogs can't talk.

Are you sure? ;)

Posted 21 Jan 2011, 22:45 #9 

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So why was the frog making a joke then? I'm confused :)

Cogito ergo sum... maybe?

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Posted 21 Jan 2011, 23:56 #10 

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Engineers aren't boring people, they just get excited over boring things.

Girls and Boys
In the high school gym, all the girls were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every 10 seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician answered, "never."
The physicist answered, "In an infinite amount of time."
The engineer answered, "Well, in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."

Hot Air Baloon
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet about the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
I miss you a lot Samarkand!

Posted 17 Feb 2011, 16:36 #11