two engineering students were walking across campus when one said "where did you get that great bike from?"
the second engineer replied "well, i was walking from the park yesterday, when a beautiful woman rode upto me on this bike. she then threw it on the ground, took off all her clothes and said "take what you want!"
the first engineer nodded approvingly and said "good choice, the clothes probably wouldnt have fit anyway."
to the optimist, the glass is half full.
to the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
to the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
a priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a prrticularly slow gropu of golfers ahead. the emgineer fumed "whats with the blokes in front? we must have been waiting 15 minutes!"
the doctor chimed in "i dont know, but ive never seen such a poor standard of golf!"
the priest said "here comes the green keeper, lets have a word."
he said "hello george, whats wrong with the group ahead of us? they are really slow, and cant seem to even hit a ball?"
george replied "oh yes, thats the group of blind firemen. they lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year. they were really keen golfers and we wanted them to continue playing so as a gift, we let them play here for free anytime"
the group fell silent for a moment.
the priest said "thats terrible... i will say a special prayer for them tonight"
the doctor said "good idea. im going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague tonight to see if theres anything that can be done."
the engineer said "why cant they play at night?"
whats the difference between mechanical engineers anf civil engineers?
mechanical engineers build weapons. civil engineers build targets.
the graduate with a science degree asks "why does it work?"
the graduate with an engineering degree asks "how does it work?"
the graduate with an accounting degree asks "how much will it cost?"
the graduate with an arts degree asks "would you like fries with that?"
three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
one said "it was a mechanical engineer. just look at the joints anh how everything moves"
another said "it was an electrical engineer. the nervous system is basically an electrical circuit. it has thousands of electrical connections"
the last said "it must have been a civil engineer. who else would run the toxic waste pipeling through a recreational area?"
normal people believe if it aint broke, dont fix it.
engineers believe that if it aint broke, it doesnt have enough features yet.
an engineer was crossing the road one day, when a frog called out to him "if you kiss me, i will turn into a beautiful princess."
he bent over, picked the frog up and put it in his pocket.
the frog then cried out "if you kiss me into a princess, i will stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want"
again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled and put it back in his pocket.
finally, the frohg asked "what is the matter? ive told you im a beautiful princess and that i will stay with you for one week and do anything you want. why wont you kiss me?"
the engineer said "look, im an engineer. i dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool"
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